Boys, boys... you underestimate me! First of all, I read the ladder theory YEARS ago.
My analysis is this:
The selection criteria are not very accurate, at least not consciously. Where the LT suggests that women seek money/power primarily, MOST women I know really don't care about either, except for the extent to which they provide basic necessities. Having said this, I do believe that women value these things more subconsciously than we realize. It's part of the instinctual nesting drive - we want a big tough guy (power, manifested in different forms) who can provide for the welfare of our family (MONEY!). What the LT neglects, however, is that the evolved human brain DOES value other qualities - like sensitivity, intelligence, sense of humor, etc. because they ALSO pertain to the ability to provide for the family. While I'm not planning on having kids any time soon, I wouldn't date a guy if I didn't think he could be a good father - instilling values and ethics into our children. I wouldn't date a guy who was unkind, either, no matter how rich and powerful he is.
Now, selection criteria aside, I think the structural ladder part of the LT is, while perhaps a bit crude, dead-on. As Richard suggested, however, it's not necessarily a woman's "fault" or even an intentional thing if a guy ends up on one ladder or the other. I'll use a friend of mine as an example. I knew this guy all through high school and towards the end of those four years he wound up with a major crush on me. (Well, at least that's the point at which he articulated it.) So much so, in fact, that he sat me down and basically had a one-man intervention with regards to my high school sweetheart who he was CONVINCED was not good enough for me and not making me happy. Well, he was right, but I didn't want to hear it right then. A couple months later, after graduation, I'd broken up with said "sweetheart," and the friend wanted a chance to take me out. Even though I didn't really feel an attraction for him, and he certainly didn't have money or power, there were a lot of things I DID like about him (funny, quirky, lots in common) and I WANTED to be able to fall for him. I really, REALLY tried to have feelings for this guy. He was trying to jump ladders and I was doing my damndest to let him... But it just wasn't there. So, according to the LT, I "misrepresented" what ladder this guy was on. Maybe that's true, but I certainly didn't do it with malice. I was taking a chance and it just didn't pan out. It happens!
So yes, I think there are ladders. I don't think the majority of women get as much glee out of kicking men into the "abyss" as the site suggests. There are, however, exceptions to every rule, so I'm sure there ARE women who give at least 50% consideration to money/power and women who DO take great joy out of abyss-kicking.
Now for the important stuff: what can you, Joe Singleguy, do about it?
1) Don't try to get chicks who give at least 50% consideration to money/power unless you're looking for one shallow broad.
2) Accept that there are ladders.
3) Accept that deep down, in your primordial heart of breeding hearts, you probably WOULD sleep with (or more seriously, procreate with) your female friends. You wouldn't be friends if that woman didn't have SOME quality you found attractive. It may be physical, it may be mental, it may be emotional. Bottom line, your answer to this question: "If she were the last woman on earth and you had to sleep with her to ensure the continuation of the human race, would you?" will almost invariably be yes.
4) Accept that her answer will NOT invariably be yes. I DO have guy friends who I think are great as friends, but never in a million years could imagine knocking boots with. Seriously. Like, good-bye human race, sorry I couldn't pick up the slack on this one, but... nope. Not gonna happen.
5) It
never usually doesn't hurt to try to jump ladders (at least once), unless the girl is really psycho and will freak out that you even considered it. If that's the case, she might be a little too unstable for friendship anyway.
Really though, it's happened to most of us females a time or fifty, and most of us are pretty good at letting you down gently (aka kicking you into the abyss) and shrugging it off, returning you to "friend status" and us to being totally cool with that. At that point, you can make some choices:
a. Change yourself in ways that might get you to the other ladder and try again later. It's pretty rare, but it happens. Mike was once FIRMLY planted on the friends ladder. He changed a lot, though, and I changed too, and the "jump" eventually worked out for him. Mind you, he'd tried before, and I wasn't having it. We stayed friends, though, because we were both capable of being mature about it. The big thing here is to never intentionally misrepresent yourself as something you're not, 'cause eventually that WILL come out via your true actions and it'll probably be ugly. If you REALLY change because YOU want to and you can maintain that as the "new you" instead of a temporary thing designed to get the girl, it'll be a lot better than the alternative.
b. Freak out and decide you can never speak to that girl ever again. Probably not the most mature course of action. Also a quick way to lose a good friend.
c. Give up and resign yourself to the friends ladder. Depending on the situation and depending on the girl, sometimes this IS the best thing to do, especially after repeated attempts at choice "a." Even girls who are pretty chill about attempted ladder-jumping have a breaking point, and continuing to try with a girl who has made it very clear that she doesn't like you LIKE THAT is also a slow, annoying way to lose a good friend. Sometimes you've just gotta let it go. There is no one-size-fits-all guide to when that moment is - use your head. If you start thinking you're acting creepy, stalkery, or downright annoyingly, you probably are.
Did that cover most of it?
Laurel
